Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize