sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
