she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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