Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
