I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'd cum for enchiladas.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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