Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
