Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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