i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
