I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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