So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
