I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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