Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
