Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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