after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
