So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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