My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Let's get the cat blown out
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
