Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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