Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
