i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
