Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
