how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
