It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
