I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
