When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
