but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
