Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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