Im at strip club and am horny
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The air was thick with penises
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
