How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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