Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
