24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
