I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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