ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
