Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
