there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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