Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
