She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
