Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
