I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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