it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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