I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
