Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
