Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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