I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
