Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize