I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
