Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
