I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
