they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
