Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
