I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
