so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
