I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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