I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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