Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
