how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
