She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
