You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
