My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
