I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
