You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
