i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
