To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize