if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
