She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
