Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
soo... how was my night?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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