Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
