In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
