How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
