Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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