Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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