The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
