My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
