i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
