i think my mom watched the whole time
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
