so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
