i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am mentally ready for anal.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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