I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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